Can you feel

can you feel -001  Sometimes I would just like to sit down and write about my Whole life story and let others know me , So they will know detail by detail Why I am the way I am, but someone once told me You don’t have to explain yourself in fact you should never think you have to because there will be people who read what you have to say and not believe it.

If you have ever thought I posted something on Facebook or even here and that I was trying to get attention from it. That really show’s how little you know about me.  I have lived in my life for so long with only the people around me and no one else.. no one that’s in my general vicinity that I can say Hey my best friend is coming for dinner or I am going out with so and so for lunch.

Just think about this.. If you right now have someone that you cherish in your life and can say hey I wouldn’t know what to do without this person. now think what it would be like if you didn’t have them. My best friend is my husband and before him it was my adopted mother.

There are Just things you don’t know , you don’t understand and before you go making assumptions of Why did she do or say this you have to understand all details.  I have often wondered what decision did I make in life to feel so lonely and at the same time not be.

My friends are online and I am not ashamed to say it . I have met some of the most kind and  generous people online.I have learned and grown so much through learning from others about things. I know that I am not the only person who feels out of the loop and lonely and this is the major reason why people gravitate to being online to find people who have the same common interests.

I will be blogging less in the weeks and months to come, My time in Second life is pretty much on a schedule of what I need to do and How can I manage a few of the other things I enjoy with the things I’ve signed up for. The outfit By Sakide and necklace by Emo-tions and shoes by Scene are from the Vintage and cool Fair, The Pose called Phoenix by Nantra and Hat  The Robin Fendora by Xen’s Hats are being Featured at the Instruments.

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Hat: Xen Hats Robin Fedora Fawn Beige @ The Instruments

Hair: Truth Damaris

Dress: Sakide Smoking Jacket Cream @ Vintage & Cool Fair

Necklace: Emo-tions *rosemary Multi Necklace @ Vintage & Cool Fair

Shoes: Scene– Tuxedo Heel For slink @ Vintage & cool Fair

Pose: Nantra – Phoenix   @ The Instruments

Lips: Nova Josselyn Tattoo layer @ Vintage & Cool Fair

Bracelet: Alegria Dragon born

Into the deep

into the deep Like my last post I have still been a little MIA, Just am really taking my time with things. I have really bad anxiety and it has really been hard the last few months, So some days are better than others for me. I am very thankful that the sponsors and events that I work with have been understanding. There have literally been days where I wished I could Just Disappear or really just wanted to not exist anymore, I am hoping that with in the next few weeks I can get a better handle on my personal struggles with life. My post today I got to work with Anika She has a blog over at Classy Trashy N Free. I haven’t known Anika very long But one day we started talking on Facebook and then in-world at the indie teepee event, Every since then I have laughed a lot with things she says, She has really lifted my spirits and for me that’s been a really big motivation. So we both decided to blog Alegria, Alergria is one of her sponsor’s and They are also have Items Featured at this round of Enchantment which I am blogging for. I love enchantment it is one of the second life events i look forward to because it always has such interesting event themes. This rounds theme is Little mermaid. So be prepared to see more mermaid type things here 🙂 All items listed Below are from the Enchantment 🙂

Go Visit the Enchantment Aug14th- Sept5th

In Gold Anderian

Hair: +Spellbound+ Sirena // Grimoire : Complete

Necklaces1:  A.D.D.Andel! Part of Your World Necklace- Gold

Necklace2:Kibitz Ariel necklace – copper

Tattoo:.ThingsRyllae Faded

Mermaid: ALEGRIA Metal Mermaid Body S Gold

Skin:Lumae Niska – Eione :: Anemone {Scales / DarkBrow}

Face Makeup: .ARISE Mermaid Mask / Yellow

Social Disorder

Social Disorder

Todays Blog is kinda personal and im actually going to talk about myself and not all about Second life items.. Ive kinda had this topic on my mind and it keeps coming up a lot lately.. in all actuality  I’m not sure if people really know how far my social Awkwardness is .. If you have chatted with me in world  and you’ve gotten to know me you may know how odd i can be.. but I havent always been that way. Before I had 3 kids and was in my 2nd marriage I was social and maybe considered the life of the party.. Im noticing now that I am rather distant from people face to face.. I like my space but then again i dont like to be alone.. its boring.. and who is gonna laugh at my randomness when im alone? me probably.. but still. I’ve been having a hard time mentally with thinking where my friendships lye as far as who really trusts me who really cares about me and Who just thinks im a gullible idiot. I observe a lot .. and I may not always be able to give you the most sound advice . cause i often stick my foot in my mouth. but when i do give you advice its from my heart and its the best way i know how to put words together to let you understand it. Im not good with words I never have been.  I tell people that im not good with advice but it doesnt mean i dont care, cause i do. I care way to much for people who have no clue I exist . This being the reason why i get my feelings hurt way to easily.  Some of my friends have noticed my coldness in the last few weeks. A month or so ago I had became really depressed and i went to the doctor and had myself put on medicine . I’ve been on an anti depressant now for over 2 months and last month was just really hard for me i don’t know why i just felt really down and when i get this way everything suffers.. my relationships , me , my family.. because i just don’t feel like i have a connection with people and this makes it so much worse. Ive just really been trying to pinpoint my set off point of why i get into these funks and then why last month just sucked so bad for me and I really don’t know yet.. I don’t think its the medicine but its very possibly that what i keep to myself and i don’t say out loud is the issue  it just all festers and eats away at me and makes me feel negative and distraught. I do want to thank those of you who do consider yourself close to me though cause you are what helps me keep it together to keep going and not give up.

Style Card

 Headpiece SAS Flower Explosion Black ( The instruments)

lashes: # He La # Heavy to watch Eye Black ( The Instruments )

Brows: Nox Beks Brows Black ( Dark Style Fair)

 Sweet Lips PXL v1.4

straps: Topazia Poppy Toes for walk in the Flower Black

Pose:  !bang stand 447

Scene

 Grass : Alergria Black Rise Grass

outline: Junk Metal Her Silver

mask : PM Mode Watcher

Birds Axix Lady Crow for pose 7 and Extra crows set

 Flowers : Topazia poppy Ankle for walk in the flowers

The Messengers

This doesn’t happen often , actually I wish it would happen more often, Blogging with someone else is fun for me , it takes the work out of the blogging, It inspires me to see what someone else brings to the table. I’ve asked  a few people before, “hey you wanna do a blog together” ? but for some reason either they get to busy , wrapped up in what they are doing, scared of my crazy style? (haha) , or just don’t have the nerve to tell me no (although they avoid me like the plague) .. but over the last few month’s since I’ve gotten into working with some second life magazine’s. I found out that I’m not the only one who likes the oddities , which is great cause I can put my head together with some great minds to create some awesome pieces of digital work. My guest is Steele Sirnah, which I pretty much dragged kicking and screaming into my studio to take pictures.. lol 😉 Thank you Steele

The Messengers done

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On steele

ALEGRIA Dream Mask Chrome and Milk CROWN
ALEGRIA Dream Mask Chrome and Milk FACE
Zibska – Aproxima feathers @ The Secret Affair
CHARY.- NEVERMORE CUFF- 5
CHARY.- NEVERMORE CUFF- 8
Maitreya Couture Leggings – Black
Miamai_Magus Chestpiece – Edited
NIVARO– Baptiste Fantasy Skin – Grey

On Anderian

Hair Zibska Helka

Skin: Lumae– Star 2- cream/apoc fullight (mid cleavage) Post Apoc Event

Makeup: Zibska Aylah12 & Fleurette Shadow Blue

Eyes: La Petite Morte Clarity Eyes. Turquoise

Jacket- Shi: Ravel Cardigan[F.M. Darker] group gift

Pants: Maitreya Couture leggings- Sblack

Belleza Body Venus v0.01

Scarf with birds-Zibska Taisto- New in main shop 🙂

Ears- [Mandala] Sterking ears Version 2

Omega applier nails – Alaska Metro Byzantine gatcha Turquoise @ The big show

alaskametro_3 _Byzantine_ nail polish gacha